Friday, June 24, 2011

Why do we always hurt those closest to us?

Why do we always hurt those closest to us? These are the people that mean the most to us yet so often we find ourselves losing our temper more quickly with them, or say things we know are hurtful. On the flip side, we tend to almost be more cordial and tolerant with those who are not so close to us. We tend to try harder to please those that are not so close, and therefore are more polite and grateful to them.

Some people say that the answer to the question of why we tend to hurt those closer to us is because ironically ourloved ones be it parents,good friends or beloved ones know the 'buttons' to push in us. They know what triggers us and when they do it, they hurt us more deeply and we retaliate and hurt them back. This is true when there is a very low level of trust in the relationship. We may have been hurt so many times by those close to us that our response to a slight provocation is based not only on the provocation at hand but also all the past hurts we have endured. This results in a disproportionately more severe retaliation to hurt the person.

We are more likely to get angry at someone close to us because we have higher expectations of them. We expect them to know us and understand us better, to be able to predict our needs and take heed to our feelings better. We expect them to be more sensitive, more reliable, more trustworthy and more loving. We expect more time, more effort and more commitment to us. These higher expectations also means that it is easier for our dear ones to fall short of them. Failure to meet and expectation hurts us more deeply when it is by a dear one.

The next reason why we are more likely to get angry to someone close to us is because we have come to take them for granted. For new acquaintances or those not so close to us, we try to impress and gain their friendship by being nicer and more polite. However when it comes to our dear ones, we feel that we no longer have to work for their affection.Some of us may think this is rather morbid but I can guarantee that you will stop taking those around you for granted if you always keep in mind the possibility you could lose this person.

In conclusion, talk about your expectations and always learn to cherish those close to you before it is too late. This way, atleast there will be at least a sense of faith and honour for aur dear ones,and we will think thrice before actually hurting the feeling.

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